Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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