the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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