It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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