i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
