turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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