Me. At least after what I've been through.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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