At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
