I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
