God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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