Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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