I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have post one night stand depression
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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