Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
