Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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