he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
