Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this will be a night to untag.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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