I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
