We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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