I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
