All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
