found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
