i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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