I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize