Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Porn is love you can see.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
