i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
