Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
