Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
