i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
