is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
