Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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