Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
