dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
