I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
