I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
