so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
