Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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