never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
