is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
