So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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