Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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