I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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