Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
