I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
