We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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