I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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