I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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