so explain again why im purple
no
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
