Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
