twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
