She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
