I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
