I should be sponsored by Trojan
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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