I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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