OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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