Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
