My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
