I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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