my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
