Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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