Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He better not be in your backpack
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
