I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thus making me awesome and them whores
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
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doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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