Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
