Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize