i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
