I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
