Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
