Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
