just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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