girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
