I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
