Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
