I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
