I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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