how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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